Overture
Just
before showtime, Antheil’s Jazz Symphony begins. Prominent is a backdrop, decorated with a
black couple dancing the
At
an appropriate moment the lights go up to reveal the CAST, which is helping to
assemble a constructivist-futurist set, reminiscent of the 1920s. They do this in time to the very jaunty music, in the manner of a
dance. The set they are “assembling”
needs to display at least two prominent projection screens, on which slides and
film clips will be shown, something that can be used as a bed or couch, the
suggestion of a window with a snow bank behind it, and a grand piano. For Act II, there should also be a ramp or
staircase. (During the play proper
something kinetic should always be going on in the background, for example a
screen on which is projected a continuous newsreel of twentieth-century events,
stagehands carrying in or out props and so on.
Stage directions referring to “doors,” “tables,” “windows” and so on
should be interpreted liberally.)
As
the lights come up, SALVATORE and KUNG-MING KAO stand on a larger-than-life
player piano as it rises from beneath the stage. The player piano resembles the type, such as
an Orchestrion, with drums, cymbals, etc., but very
constructivist. Lights on the screens
will often mimic the player piano, much in the manner of a 1970s light-show.
The Jazz Symphony is organized into quite distinct musical phrases;
after each the soundtrack can be paused if necessary while the actors speak
their lines.
(Note:
The Jazz Symphony is a chamber
work. Two versions are available. The 1955 version is 6’ 30”. The original version of 1925, which includes
banjo, is more authentic but twice the length.
Either version can be excerpted.
There is also a shorter Jazz Sonata, which uses some of the same
material.)
(YOUNGER HEDY pauses in her activities
and turns to the audience.)
YH: Any girl can be
glamorous. All she has to do is stand
still and look stupid.
(She returns
to setting up. Music. )
OG: If anyone asks--say
it’s about
YG: Time! Time!
I plan to present you with the first realization of the fourth
dimension!
(OG
reacts with surprise.)
SAL: Mamma mia, always four dimensions! Fella, take it from
me, eh! If you go for ten, I can a-get ‘em for you a-wholesale.
(Music.)
OH: I’ve never believed
in life after death...Ashes to ashes, dust to dust--and I certainly don’t want
to come back as dust. I have enough
trouble with it in my housecleaning.
OG: Death isn’t
important tonight. On the other hand,
let me tell you about the time I was eaten alive by lions in the
YG: Music, that
adventure of time with space!
SAL: Eh, you want a-time,
you want a-space? I’ll a-give you a
broken watch and a hole in the ground.
KM
(spreading arms, with a microphone): The
movement of Heaven is ceaseless and inscrutable...
(Music.)
YH: I’ve never enjoyed
a kiss in front of the camera. There’s
nothing to it except not getting your lipstick smeared.
KM: The movement of
Heaven is ceaseless and
inscrutable...
OG: Four dimensions
were the rage. As Hemingway said to me
when we got to reminiscing, “George, that was one helluva spacetime continuum.”
HD
(slinking up to OG): You think time will
save you, dribble puss? Think again, I’m
on to you now. In your
face, on your tail, up your nose.
(Inspecting OG with a big magnifying glass, speaking very rapidly, staccato:) Definite thymocentricity with subparathyroid tendencies. Subparathyroid. It all spells
murder, M-U-R-D-E-R. Do you want to
confess, or do I have to beat it out of you with a pituitary?
(OG
runs away with HD after him. Music.)
YH: American men are
interested in only two things: money and breasts. It seems a very narrow outlook.
YG: Machines! Machines!
The symbol of our age! In the
future there will be only two types of music: music for idiots and music by
machines.
(A
small laser satellite streaks by, zapping YG, who hops off, pants singed.)
KM: ...and
they are likely to be the same.
OH: Take it from me,
men are most virile and attractive between the ages of 35 and 55. Under 35 a man has too much to learn and I
don’t have time to teach him.
KM: The superior man
stands in awe of only three things: the ordinances of Heaven, the words of
sages, and--enormous tits. Have a nice
day.
OG: In a nutshell, it’s
about...player pianos.
SAL: You a-know, life is like a player-piano roll.. It a-moves, it has
a-holes in it, it runs out... (makes flapping sound.)
OH: I like oversexed
people. The few I knew were always
talented and sensitive. I’m oversexed
and I’ve never kept it a secret.
HD
(slinking up to OH, examining her):
She’s not
only a pronounced nympho but a mythomaniac. That’s M-Y-T-H-O-M-A-N-I-C. Strike that.
M-Y-T-H-O-M-A-N-I-A-C. Mythomaniac. One disposed to
fabrications, prevarications, tall tales, inventions and untruths. Also known as--a liar. Lies, lies, lies! All of them!
Remember the adrenal!
(OH
runs off with HD after her.)
OG:
(On
Screen One is projected “Three Young Surreal Women Holding in their Arms
the Skins of an Orchestra.”)
(As the
music builds):
HD: Liar!
OG: ...at
the end of September.” Then he tried to
sell it to me. Dali was always broke.
KM: The movement of
Heaven...
YG: The fourth
dimension!
YH: Sex.
SAL: E’ un opera d’arte! E’ un grande casino!
E’ un fettucini alfredo! (He begins
running around and continues shouting over the others.) Cappelini, a piacevole, vivace, allegro,
rigatoni...
(During
the climax of the music):
OG: Player pianos.
YG: The fourth
dimension!
KM: Advice.
HD: Murder!
KM: Destiny.
SAL
(breaking in): Coincidence!
KM: Never!
SAL
(over the others): Ghiribizzo,
frulatto.... (He continues shouting in Italian.)
YG: Machines!
HD: Lies!
YH: Breasts!
KM: Enormous breasts!
OH (to
the fore as the coda begins):
Take it from
me, girls, quality is more important than quantity, but quality plus quantity
is even better.
(At the
funky coda of the Jazz Symphony, the
CAST links arms and sways back and
forth to the music.)
End Overture
Act I
As
the music ends, everyone disperses. YG
takes his place at the grand piano, SAL goes to the player piano and
begins working on it like an auto mechanic.
KM climbs into a futuristic “control center” above the player piano,
dons a headset and faces a computer. OH
moves to a position where she can watch Screen One, OG to a similar position,
where he can watch the Screen Two.
For the entire first act, both YH and OH
should be suitably “upholstered,” so as not to attract undue attention. When not commenting on the action, SAL
attends the player piano, KM the computer; at times they mimic or contrast the
action.
Enter
DIRECTOR and CAMERAMAN, who carries a movie camera on a tripod.
OH: In my life sex has
been an important factor...
(On Screen One we see clips from the
famous nude scene of Ecstasy, which
shows
Hedy Lamarr
standing naked near a fence, jumping into a pond, and
running through a grove of trees.)
OH: 1932. Ecstasy. Hedy Kiesler, born Austrian, in the famous nude scene.
YH (to
DIR): No,
I won’t take off my clothes!
DIR
(with a strong German accent): You vill! If you refuse,
the picture vill be ruined and we vill
collect our losses from you.
YH: I won’t!
DIR: You vill jump into the vater and run
through the trees. The camera vill be up on the hill and nobody vill
even see you.
OH
(uncovering her eyes): Being 16, I had
never heard of a telephoto lens.
HD
(offstage): Yeah. And she was 18.
OH: Of course, the
American censors cut the film. Oh, not
the nude scene with my fanny twinkling through the woods, but the close up of
my face...
(YH has lain down on the couch, face
up. The DIRECTOR and CAMERAMAN are
filming her. On Screen One we see Ecstasy’s famous “love scene,” which
shows Hedy Lamarr’s face
and bare arms while she is apparently in the throws of orgasm. This scene goes by very quickly and it may be
more effective to project individual frames several times in the manner of a
flip book.)
DIR: Nein! Nein!
A passionate expression on the face!
(YH tries
acting.)
Nein! Stupid girl!
You are in love. Love! Do you understand?
(YH tries
again.)
Stupid,
stupid, stupid! (Grabbing a pin): You see this pin? I vill sit out of
camera and when I prick your little backside, you vill
react! (He jabs her.)
YH: Ow!
DIR: Again!
YH: Ow!
DIR: More!
YH
(louder): Ow!
DIR: Elbows!
YH: Ow!
DIR: I vant elbows!
YH (in
real pain): Ow!
DIR: Ya,
goot!
OH: Thus the most
daring love scene ever filmed...
(YG begins pounding on the piano, the
last few bars of his mechanistic 1922 Sonata
Sauvage.
(The entire movement lasts less than 1 minute.) At the same time, on Screen Two behind him is
the famous “concert scene” from the 1924 French film L’Inhumaine, which shows a vast,
rioting crowd at the Théâtre des Champs Elysées. The CAST is also on stage, carrying on. In the midst of this YG stands up, pulls a
revolver from a silk shoulder holster and fires into the air. Screen Two goes dark and the CAST falls silent.)
YG: Thank you. (To Audience): People often ask how I remain
so cool during my concerts when each and every performance turns into a
riot. The answer is simple: a thirty-two
automatic.
(OG now breaks in, speaking to
audience. He carries a cane and a hat
and performs a little soft shoe as he now addresses the audience. )
OG: You may be
wondering how a young American composer ended up in
(He is
cut off by a sharp cymbal crash from the player piano as SAL works on it.)
SAL (as
if not paying attention to OG): Scusi.
YG (as
if obvious): It was love.
HD
(offstage): Love. Tell us another story.
OG
(raising a finger): You may be
wondering--
KM: In truth, honorable
public is wondering who esteemed gentleman is.
OG
(sighing): Esteemed? The last time anyone called me esteemed was
just about the time the Stock Market crashed.
Coincidence? Or--?
KM
(rotating in control chair, mysteriously):
--synchronicity?
OG: George Antheil--
YG
(playing a horror-movie tremolo) : “Bad Boy of Music.” (With a flourish): Hah!
OG (a
little ruefully): “Bad Boy of Music.” That hyperthyroid phrase is the only thing
anyone remembers about me. I’d like to
murder the guy who came up with it.
Unfortunately, that would mean suicide.
In those days I was a young man in a hurry, with time only for the
essentials. (As YG
interrupts): The thing was....
YG
(speaking faster): You know, people call me a young man in a hurry. They say I’m ruthlessly ambitious and the
only thing on my mind is to become famous at all costs. (Matter-of-factly): It’s probably true.
Offstage
Voice: This youth from
OG: Critics. Yes, believe it or not, in 1900 I was born in
SAL and
KM (singing jauntily in the manner of a back-up chorus):
OG: That’s “Trenton
Makes, the World Takes.” You know,
SAL and
KM:
OG
(sternly): Takes. The World Takes.
Offstage
Voice: All aboard for
OG:
(SAL
and KM mime shoveling. YG begins
pounding on piano.)
YG: Day and night I’m
at it, twelve, sixteen, twenty hours...!
When my hands get sore there’s always the goldfish bowls.
(YG demonstrates, shoving his hands into two
huge goldfish bowls of water on each side of the piano. Fish are swimming in the bowls)
My
hands--like iron!
(Stagehands
have carried in a large mirror. Without
looking, YG gives it a karate chop and shatters it. Offstage
avalanche of glass breaking.
Stagehands sweep up.)
OG
(dryly): Bravo...Aaron
Copland--he’s a composer, you may have heard of him--once asked Artur Rubinstein--a pianist--if there wasn’t anything he
was jealous of. Rubinstein answered--
Offstage
Voice (with Polish accent): George Antheil’s piano playing.
He could do anything.
YG (holding up his hands): Iron!
(Another
karate chop. Destroys
piano. Stagehands repair it.)
OG
(observing the wreck): Stunning....By
the time I was twenty I had written a symphony--about
SAL and
KM:
OG: Hey, many pieces
have been written about
(The opening phrase of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue.)
He would have too--then I disappeared. (Thoughtfully): I’m always disappearing.
YG: It was love.
HD
(offstage): It was your
pituitary!
(Lights
up on ANNE. YG begins pursuing her. She moves backwards.)
OG: It was Anne
Williams. Anne was a well-edited version
of Lana Turner and Betty Grable rolled into one.
(Photo of LT and BG rolled into one
projected on Screen Two. KM and SAL
shrug shoulders and scratch their heads.)
OG: We planned to be
married. When her parents found
out--bam!--they whisked her off to
(ANNE
vanishes.)
I set out to
find her.
YG
(turning to audience): Not to marry
her. I gave up that harebrained scheme
the minute she left without a word. She
had trifled with my love.
(ANNE
reappears. YG approaches her.)
I’ll search
for her high and low, and at last when I find her, I’ll walk slowly, bravely up
to her, stare into her eyes with silent reproach and--turn on my heel.
(YG
makes silent karate chop. ANNE vanishes
again.)
HD
(Offstage): Bullllshhhit.
OG: Of course, swimming
to
YG: --despite these
hands. I can’t cook or wait tables
either.
OG: There was only one
thing to do--arrange a concert tour. In
a nutshell--
YG: I’m a
sensation.
(On Screen Two, the riot scene is
projected again; the shouting and carrying on resume.)
OG: Not to mention the
original American in
SAL and
KM: